Don't Feel, Felt, Found Me

Published 25 days ago • 2 min read

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DemandJen Weekly Newsletter

Making Complex Sales Simpler

Here’s what you’ll get this week (and every week):

A cold email before/after rewrite from one of YOUR submitted cold emails
A tactic to make complex sales simpler
Where you’ll find me this month
Rescue pup of the week

Cold Email Rewrite of the Week:

I’m a big believer that earning an executive’s attention isn’t “just” a job for SDRs.

If you’re drowning in high-quality demand, you can ignore this section.

But, for the rest of us, my hope is that reading this section feels like a mini-coaching session on writing outbound messaging.

Nothing ALWAYS works, and nothing NEVER works. But, it’s often helpful to see a different take on the same email.

This week, Darryl is targeting a Production Superintendent at Aethon Energy.

Let’s see what Darryl drafted:

Let’s start with the subject line.

It’s long (7 words) and screams “this is a cold email”. Why? “Do more” is a sales phrase. I can tell the sender wants to sell me something.

Instead, consider the reader’s role. A production superintendent is probably scanning their email for problems that cause unplanned downtime. What would that email’s subject line look like? "Well Downtime” might work here.

Email length is awesome. It’s 79 words. Easy to skim the full message.

Another win - more “you” language than “I”.

Structurally, it prompts a specific problem and consequence before jumping into a solution or an intro. Big fan of this because it puts the reader first. The first sentence is a little jumbled. But, that’s an easy fix.

If we’re not a household name, the reader might be left with a question of “ok, but have you worked with others like us?”.

We can solve that by tweaking that 2nd paragraph to add a customer reference.

Lastly, the close is fine. But, I’m a fan of an “open to hearing how they did it?” close. Sparks curiosity around how someone else solved the same problem.

Here’s how I made some minor tweaks to address the issues above:

Want a rewrite of one of YOUR cold emails to a target account?

Reply to this newsletter with the account, the subject line, and your email.

I’ll pick one, anonymize it, and feature it in next week’s newsletter.
(Oh, and please consider forwarding this offer to others on your team. You might be set, but maybe they could use the 2nd opinion?)

Tactic of the Week:

You get an unexpected objection from a forecasted deal.

Instead of trying to overcome it with some icky ‘feel, felt, found’ line from the 80’s, try this instead.

Where You’ll Find Me:

Salman Sales Academy is coming to Chicago on Oct 9th and 10th! I’ll be teaching my session on The Cost of Inaction.

Check it out here

Rescue Pup of the Week:

Meet India here. Tell me this petite, pure-bred, 5-year-old husky isn’t the most beautiful face you’ve EVER seen.

Available for foster or adoption at Many Paws Global Rescue in Palatine, IL.