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DemandJen Weekly Newsletter

Making Complex Sales Simpler

Here’s what you’ll get this week (and every week): A cold email before/after rewrite from one of YOUR submitted cold emails A tactic to make complex sales simpler Where you’ll find me this month Rescue pup of the week

Cold Email Rewrite of the Week:

I’m a big believer that earning an executive’s attention isn’t “just” a job for SDRs.

If you’re drowning in high-quality demand, you can ignore this section.

But, for the rest of us, my hope is that reading this section feels like a mini-coaching session on writing outbound messaging.

Nothing ALWAYS works, and nothing NEVER works. But, it’s often helpful to see a different take on the same email.

Let’s see what Martha submitted:

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Let’s start with the subject: “Digitization Mindset”.

Love that Martha pulled out a quote from something she read about THEM.

But - let’s give the “Rule of 3” subject line a whirl and see if we can make it pop a bit more. (Psst - this is the same tactic I used on today’s newsletter subject line.)

What if we used “Donette + Folgers + Jif”, instead?

The dea here is to take 3 items that wouldn’t normally go together, to spark curiosity for the open. There is no “right” way to approach a subject line. Simply sharing this as an alternative.

Now, on to the preview text (the first line of the email).

It’s about THEM! We love to see this. No wishing them well. No “my name is”. It’s immediately clear that Martha took the time to look at their business, first.

With some minor tweaks, we can tighten up that sentence a bit.

Now, Martha illuminates the problem story through the lens of other companies similar to them. This is SUCH a great tactic to avoid calling our prospect’s baby ugly, via assumptive statements like “You’re probably struggling with…”.

Then, she follows up with a killer “unsure” statement. “Not sure if you’re seeing the same.” She’s inviting the reader to correct her vs. talking AT the reader. So well done.

The “was thinking” line feels unnecessary to me. I vote we kill it to make the email shorter.

Lastly, I’m a big fan of how she uses the “Open to seeing how…” close.

Many execs scan their emails to look for the CTA (“do you have 15 mins?”).

By removing it - her email looks LESS like a cold email.

Plus, her value prop isn’t “want to hear about our product?”.

It’s “Want to hear how another company fixed this?”. Execs are curious about how their peers approach similar problems. She’s delivering on that. Great stuff.

Here are the minor tweaks I made to rewrite it:

Want a rewrite of one of YOUR cold emails to a target account?

​Reply to this newsletter with the account, the subject line, and your email.

I’ll pick one, anonymize it, and feature it in next week’s newsletter.

(Oh, and please consider forwarding this offer to others on your team. You might be set, but maybe they could use a 2nd opinion?)

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Tactic of the Week:

Many of us were taught that the purpose of discovery is to understand the customer's needs, so that we can map our solution back to those needs and show how we can help.

But, there’s a fatal flaw in that theory.

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​Here’s the fatal flaw and my 5-step process for running discovery calls now, instead.

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Where You’ll Find Me:

September is a busy month! I’m running Sales training workshops at Square, Juniper Networks, and Motus this week.

MCing GTM Partner’s Better Together Roadshow in Boston next week.

Then, I’m heading to Boston for HubSpot's Inbound and will be speaking at Orum’s Dumpster Fire event there. You heard that right.

Details here

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Rescue Pup of the Week:

Meet Zeppelin here. A 3 year-old black and tan coonhound who came to Many Paws after he was displaced by Hurricane Ernesto. I handled Zeppelin at a Many Paws adoption event last Sunday and he couldn’t have been any kinder, friendlier, or sweeter. Every adult, kid, and dog loved him. Could he be your next pup?

Available for foster or adoption at Many Paws Global Rescue in Palatine, IL.

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What'd you think of today's newsletter? Loved it! Meh - it was okay. Not good.

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